Afternoon nap

As N takes a nap i gather his belongings and his mess, this is the one chore that i do with a smile on my face. I found these under the sofa. Is it a wonder why this is my most enjoyable chore?

Intimacy

lately F has been keeping busy
and even on days when there is not much to say,
a lot is said in the silence that pervades
and a lot is shared over
bread and cheese on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

Walls that speak

Kensington Market

The boy who ate the words...

80 clicks around the world--the #5 challenge!

I will not explain my disappearance from the blog world. A lot of time has gone by since i was last here. And a lot has changed, as most things do when time passes you by. I got consumed. Consumed with work, family, friends, home, routine and life in general. I forgot to pause and breathe. While still in the midst of all of this my ovaries decided to jolt me and i became pregnant. And last year July 2008 i was thrown into " the whole motherhood thing".

9 months of confusion and happiness later here i am, mother of a beautiful boy, Nyle.

But i would like to explain my reappearance. I have to admit i have been consumed with thoughts of blogging since forever now, but the final push came from a fellow blogger mom's tag. This tag has been a real challenge. The challenge is to share five, yes only five things, i love about being a mom!! And please try it yourself before rolling your eyes, cause it really isn't as simple as it sounds.

So the #5 challenge resulted in the following thoughts:

1. Discovering love as i have never known before: Growing up i never understood why my mother would stay up till i wasn't home at night or always be watchful of what I'm doing. I thought of her as a bit overbearing and over protective. But less did i know then what i know and feel now. It was all because she loved me. Loved me in inexplicable ways. Love that would take all kinds of different shapes and forms of expression. Because really, there is no one way of expressing it. Love that would not require replenishing. Love with no strings attached. Love that is truly unconditional. We usually see things not for what they are but what we are. And today i see my mothers love differently cause i am one myself. I feel love like I've never felt before. Love that is all giving and never expecting to receive. Love that grows everyday. Love that finds solace and peace in watching Nyle grow. Love that wants to smother and hover and yet watch him fall and rise from a distance. I love loving the way i love as a mom!
2. The Clark Kent syndrome: The Mom-Me is my alter ego, my second self, an alternate identity born upon Nyle's birth. A self that possess superhuman multitasking abilities, a self that i never knew i possessed or was capable of possessing. A self who can think for two people, who can take up innocuous fronts to fulfill ulterior motives, who can turn "with or without you" into a lullaby, who can be creatively entertaining, dramatically ripping my clothes for quick transference of character from Me to the Mom-Me. And this co-existence of the so many mees inside the one me has been very fascinating. I love that being a mom has been and will continue to be a self discovering journey. And each new discovery make me positively strong.
   
3. Distilled: Apart from the confusion of becoming a new mom, reaching the understanding that i will be right as many times as i am wrong and not knowing half the time what im doing, i had to grapple with the challenges of every one telling me what to do and what not to do. As if my becoming a mother has given other mothers old or new a license to trudge my hood. And this led to distillation. Distillation of the sense from the nonsense, distillation of comments, distillation of being judged. I have acquired the power of selective hearing. i can very easily ignore what i dont like and go on with life uneffected. I love that becoming a mother has given me the power to distill. Im happier distilling. and a happy mom means a happy baby!
   
4. Expecting the unexpected: The pre-mom me was a planner. Always expecting what was expected. But the Mom-Me has learned to expect the unexpected. I never planned on co-sleeping, or feed in public, i never imagined i would be the kind of mom who shows physical affection. And now i cannot imagine otherwise. Just when i think N has a sleeping routine he changes on me. The pre mom-me would ve completely freaked out at this, but the Mom-Me loves this twist. Its always a new, exciting twist and i love the unpredicatablity of what N has in store for me.
   
5. Broken conversations: Some charming conversations, discussions and friendships have been made since i ve entered mother hood. Before i became a mother i think i was too arrogant and self indulgent to pay attention to what moms had to say, trivializing the mother's hood and mother's life to household chores and routines. But i have met some very interesting women who have embarked on this journey of motherhood and have very interesting experiences to share and intelligent conversations to make. And even though these conversations are broken and interruoted by feeds and diaper changes, they are short and meaningful. I love being a mom cause its opened me up to a completely new world!

Here's my little angel who completes me!

COMPLETE

By George Carlin

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...


how COMPLETE are we?

RED

i dont do drugs....
i just do COKE ...

"he does not need opium.he has the gift of reverie"
-anais nin