urbaNiche

...and thats why im secretive!!

2010-05-06T12:14:00.000-07:00

gotta love Daniel Day-Lewis in this...a year too late!

corner view: coffee companion

2010-03-03T06:33:00.000-08:00

click on image to view
more coffee companions
found here

lollywood virgins

2010-03-02T19:33:00.000-08:00

Lollywood
-noun
Pakistani Film Industry

i see a co-existence of self preservation and dignity.
i see beauty and the beast.
i see lust and power.
i see a dreamer and a doer.
i see grotesque beauties.
i see dreams and desires.
i see violence, blood and gore.
i see rebellion.

what do you see?

how much does your life weigh?

2010-02-25T07:52:00.000-08:00

"make no mistake, your relationships are the heaviest components in your life"
Ryan Bingham, Up in the Air

i love traveling but i hate packing. flying makes me anxious. i hate going through the check in line, immigration, body search and you know the drill. so when i arrived home after a full day at the spa courtesy of sister, who baby sat N and took care of packing three suitcases, all i had to do was shower, change and look good for a 14 hour long flight.

i ran a quick and final check through the room i had occupied the last three months at my parents house. bedroom-empty. bathroom-empty. closets-empty. drawers-empty. suitcases packed and waiting for me at the door. and by empty i mean devoid of my belongings of course.

so now that all my belongings were safely packed away then why did it seem there was still something missing. after three months away from home, work and my life i had been super excited to get back to some normalization. why was it then that i felt incomplete. like a big part of me was left unpacked. something very precious to me was not in those suitcases.

i could hear my parents and sister playing with N, making the most of these last few moments with him, capturing his every move in the camera of their minds. and it made me realize what Clooney so aptly put into words in Up in the Air, "how much does your life weigh?". and after all the knick knacks were packed away in those suitcases that stood there silently, constantly reminding me of the goodbyes that were to follow. what remained were the "....people you trust with your most intimate secrets. your brothers, your sisters, your parents.....You get them into that back pack, feel the weight of that bag. make no mistake, your relationships are the heaviest components in your life."

and we said our goodbyes. i went through check in. my luggage was not excess. but i felt very heavy. "how much does your life weigh?" at that point in my life it was excess by three months worth of memories, love, arguments, laughter, tears, friends and family, in which every second was lived a hundredfold its actual potential. im back now with a heavy heart but fond memories.

corner view: sweets

2010-02-03T22:52:00.000-08:00

candy bar at Nyle's 1st birthday

find more sweets here

mama i you...

2010-02-02T10:51:00.000-08:00

all this while i had been waiting for him to say "mama, i love u"....
how could i not see what i needed to hear was already being said

p.s: he has started saying the words too now
"mama, i u"
and love is in the actions

pics courtesy of Nariman Ansari
firefly photoworks

6 years and a Nyle later...

2009-12-23T07:40:00.000-08:00

......i love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. i love you straightforwardly without complexities or pride; so i love you because i know no other way
--pablo neruda

6 years ago there was so much to say...
6 years later there is less said and yet so much felt....

heres to us,
heres to love & marriage,
heres to so much more.

....and while i was away

2009-11-16T11:36:00.000-08:00

....some one left a beautiful gift for me
thank you red boots for the fab award...im so totally overwhelmed

longest i have been away...

2009-11-12T04:20:00.000-08:00

...since i started blogging again...i have been having blog withdrawals and thought i should drop in a line and say hello to all my friends here.
i ve had some crazy busy past 2 weeks and will continue to till this weekend is over. i shall return next week and share all the happenings, the thoughts and the fun filled up in this little niche here!
till then i will sneak preview into whats been keeping my occupied...

a wedding designed, planned & executed

(more to follow on my website blog shortly)
my first photography project
preparing for the IVS Alumni show II 2009
exhibition starting December 2, 2009
&
some traveling plans

see you next week with more!
have a great weekend

corner view: contrast

2009-11-04T04:49:00.000-08:00

"there was always in me, two women at least, one woman desperate and
bewildered, who felt she was drowning and the other who would leap into a scene, as upon a stage, conceal her true emotions because they were weaknessess, helplessness, despair and present to the world only a smile, an eagerness, curiosity, interest"

--anais nin

cont-rast [n. kon-trast]
-noun
opposition or juxtaposition of different forms, lines or colors in a
work of art to intensify each
element's properties and produce a more dynamic
expressiveness

find more contrasts here

euphoria 31

2009-11-02T11:27:00.000-08:00

swirling life

somewhere in the midst of living and dreaming, somewhere in the midst of growing and learning, one more year added itself to my big 30. this year promises to weave some more dreams and to live the dreams already dreamt. a year that started through a midnight kiss and a warm embrace from a best friend who also happens to be my life partner. a year of continued wonder and bewilderment at the speed of time, the speed of growth and the need to catch every passing moment of Nyleness.

November falls right at the turn of a season. it reminds me of the smell of winter back home, childhood friends and family and makes me nostalgic. and since it also happens to be my birthday on the first of each November, this is also the time of the year that makes me contemplate on the whole idea of birthdays and celebrations, gifts and expectations. people always want to know how your birthday went, what did your loved ones do to make it special for you, what gifts did you receive, basically how eventful or uneventful was your life on this day when you came into the world. i like birthdays because i love celebrations, food, music, laughter and friends.

but this year seems a little different. this year these queries made me think that my loved ones dont really need to do anything special to make me feel special(not a new revelation, just a stronger one)they do it just by being there. loved ones will not just leave a message on facebook but try to reach me in person. they will take out time to call. they will make efforts to get every one together so we can celebrate. happiness really is such a simple concept. it can be found in simple gestures. it can be husband preparing breakfast or coming home to a clean house with the incense burning, again courtesy of husband who knows i find pleasure in small details.

it can be friends calling from around the world, it can be family singing happy birthday over the phone in the most un-synchronized tune. it can be a steak dinner with great friends, nyle refusing to sit in the high chair and husband not eating so he can entertain nyle while i eat, and a cake appearing at the end. happiness is chatting non stop with your best friend about anything and everything. it comes in emails from brother who is usually not very expressive "sara is 31 now! wow my sisters 31 and the mother of a child and still very cool!". happiness is dropping all guards in front of sister and complaining to hearts content without being judged. of course happiness is also in husband dropping me here saying shop till you drop. a girl can never have enough shoes can she?

conclusion: happiness, birthdays, celebrations and above all love manifests themselves in subtle ways. it creeps up with subtlety, it grows silently. it doesnt have to be loud, it doesnt have to be publicly displayed. if its there, it will show itself in your gleaming eyes, it will show itself in giving eachother space, it is in actions, it is in content smiles, its in trust and its in your heart.

at 31 i want to live more, love more, dream more, play more and grow everyday with the ones i love and settle for nothing less of euphoria!

corner view: water

2009-10-28T07:02:00.000-07:00

i saw gigantic water drops stuck in a glass window
capturing life in its reflections

empty your mind, be formless, be shapeless-like water. now you pour water into a cup it becomes the cup, you pour water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you pour it in the teacup, it becomes the teacup. now water can flow or it can crash. be water my friend.
--anonymous

free your mind
&
check out more water creatures here

when the girls get together....

2009-10-27T11:12:00.000-07:00

there will be journeys of the hearts: image kelly rae

there will be Coco Avante Chanel,
there will be drinks and gelatos with warm chocolate syrups.
there will be talk of world and religion,
there will be talk of love and marriage.
there will be talk of inner conflicts and sorting thoughts
there will be talk of birthing miracles and raising kids,
there will be talk of fashion and shoes
there will be dreams shared and uncontrollable laughters with tears
there will be a full night of binging without a care,
there will be pumpkin pies
and sleepy eyes
and above all there will be good times well shared!

this was a weekend dedicated to the girls
and as girls will be girls there was all of the above and so much more.
Thank God for good friends!

sneak preview: grey design

2009-10-22T19:47:00.000-07:00

when an opportunity comes along to work on a renovation project, my excitement is unbearable. here's a sneak preview of what i put together for my client.

Tomorrow, he will be seeing textured grey slate tiles, with more grey in smooth finish glass, splurges of orange on white walls and stainless steel vanity along with a stainless steel bench, humanized with a wenghe tray.

All of this just so his guests can feel extra special. dont you just love such hosts!

corner view: dreams

2009-10-21T09:10:00.000-07:00

dreams are brains way of building a cartography of thoughts, images, emotions, ambitions
and mapping them out in the sub conscious. i use dreams to list and store and
return to them one by one, from time to time. i then let the conscious sort them out
and find ways of making them possible.
i believe all dreams can come true, you just have to push yourself that extra mile and the next thing you know you are LIVING your DREAMS

talk of dreams always brings this tune to my head.
enjoy dreaming...
and find more dreamers here

weekend wanderings: spontaneity

2009-10-19T11:34:00.000-07:00

husband and i are spontaneous beings. we feel caged by routine and run as far away from it as possible. living for the moment and making the most of it while it lasts: has been our mantra for life. no planned excursions, no planned dates, no valentines day forced confessions of love, no gifts when they are expected the most. nope, nothing of the sort.

so this sunday inspite of lack of sleep, extreme tiredness and exhaustion, somehow the happenings of our day unfolded itself quite beautifully. we had a plan. we dropped little N at his grandparents in the morning, i had a round of meetings which i managed by gulping down a sugarless, dark, grande and then we had planned to go home and sleep through the rest of the evening.

but as we got closer to home, the chaotic view of the city with its jagged skyline and meandering streets looked so very inviting that a detour seemed totally reasonable. the rest of the evening we walked around, laughed, cracked jokes, laughed some more, window shopped, discovered some interesting neighborhoods and simply spent some unplanned, spontaneous time together.

who needs sleep when their is a life to be lived!

much needed....

2009-10-18T04:09:00.000-07:00

after the craziness of this month is over i will need:

to park myself somewhere and breathe.
to take a vacation.
to step away from work.
to get some sleep.
home cooked food.
manicures and pedicures
to pick up a book and hide in a corner
to switch my brain off while it rejuvenates
to not think design
to just photograph more
to go shopping and buy shoes
get back to friday dinners with my girlfriends
to watch a movie with husband
to play with little N without interruptions and....
just simply indulge

hope every ones having a restful weekend!

a meaningful love affair

2009-10-15T12:26:00.000-07:00

this is a story of a love affair that started 6 years ago. an affair that makes me feel 10 years younger. it makes me feel fresh and beautiful, hip and chic, all at once. and overtime it has blossomed into more then just an affair of love. it is a commitment, to the self and to the world. it is a commitment to the present and to the future. it is an affair with a profound meaning. it is a vegan kind of affair, that is green and uses upto 55 recycled bottles. it is a matt & natt kind of affair. and its message is:

CHOOSE LIFE CHOOSE POSITIVITY

CHOOSE THE GOLDEN RULE
CHOOSE TO BE AT PEACE WITH
YOURSELF CHOOSE SALVATION
CHOOSE TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE
CHOOSE TO BE DIFFERENT CHOOSE
TO BE A REBEL CHOOSE TO BE FUNKY
CHOOSE TO BE YOURSELF CHOOSE TO
CREATE A FASHION STATEMENT

their bags are not just super cool but also environmentally friendly. i have to be honest im not a 100% environmentalist but i try wherever i can. i guess my love affair with matt & natt brings me one teeny tiny step closer to that. and even though there are a million reasons why i love matt & natt (and trust me so will you once you see their collection) is also because it has grown with me and adjusted to my needs. it has been with me from being a university going student when i first discovered it 6 years ago, to a working professional and now, as a mommy i use one of their man bags as a diaper bag. what you see above is my latest addition, a gift to the self just because...umm...well i couldn't resist the feel of it on my shoulder!

the above message is also my note to a pink Thursday.
all serious daring starts from within
-joan baez

corner view: love

2009-10-14T03:07:00.000-07:00

love is...
...in post it notes where you least expect them
...in memories that always bring a smile
it is where the heart is...

there is more love to be found at spaindaily

a balancing act

2009-10-11T05:51:00.000-07:00

the last few months have been about new beginnings for me. i like new beginnings. i find they are exciting, refreshing, motivating and they keep you going. my new beginnings have been in my personal life, my professional life and my online presence, to name a few. some beginnings have been experimental and some more serious. some merely for the self like this blog and some a creative outlet.

and i see more to come soon, like another blog,(shhhhh, still in the works) that will be a creative outlet on a more impersonal and less narcissist level then this blog. my first real, photography project that will show itself next week, and some more professional growth, also in the works since it requires some pre-req exams that i will be writing for the next few months. and in less then 3 weeks i will also be hitting the 31 mark! wohoo!

last week was another new beginning as i launched my website and am now officially open for business. this has been an interesting experience with all kinds of goodness and weirdness that has come my way from all directions be it family or friends. a lot of oh i was thinking of starting the same thing or oh how will you run your own business with a baby, or most favorite are you getting any paid projects or are these all favours for friends!! and the worst kind what if it doesnt work. God knows thats been my biggest concern. but i guess i ll never know till i try, now will i....

what is also exciting to see is that so many mums i know are suddenly pushed to do something with their lives. a sudden momprenur-ness is in the air. i guess you need one doer around to create a ripple effect. i have been getting phone calls asking for tips and guidelines on how to start a business, the legalities involved, the time management, the work-home balance, is it worthwhile, how much capital this, that, the other .

and for this i would just like to say one thing I DONT KNOW, I HAVE NO ANSWERS! please dont make me anxious, please people if you have nothing good to say dont say anything at all. please back of and let me breathe, let me enjoy my very short lived celebrity moment of the ohh and the ahhs. please dont get me wrong i will help and i have already taken on a few on my little work ventures and am guiding a few others with whatever little knowledge i have. but geezzzzzz im no rockstar!! i just started, how do you expect me to have the answers when im still searching for them myself. give me some space, give me some time to grow, give me a chance and let ME give ME a chance as well!!(phew, there i said it aloud and felt mighty good saying it).

maybe im being intolerant towards my surroundings, maybe people are just expressing their excitment. but the newness of this is quite overwhelming for me. and i dont know where this will take me. maybe this is an experiment, maybe i will fail or maybe and hopefully i will succeed and eventually achieve my very simple retirement dream #14. who knows. its something i have always wanted to try and that's what im doing. and her i CAN say something, that its totally worth following your dreams, because in the end and whatever the end may be you know you gave it a shot. and that for me is a life lived.

i know there are some very successful momprenuers out there, some women who work hard to achieve the work-home balance and some others who dedicate themselves to building their homes. some inspiring women who are doing good just by being themselves and what they do best. and so many, so many more. and i admire them all just the same and aspire to be one of them. i want to be a doer and i want to have no regrets in my life. i want to achieve balance online and offline. and this balancing act is not easy, but looking at all these women around me is like a driving force. if they can do it why cant i...

so here i am this Sunday morning sharing with you some thoughts and some new beginnings and wishing all the women out there, all my friends in the blogosphere, and all of those performing the balancing act, the best always.

do check out my website when you get a chance and feedback is more then welcomed. spread the love, spread the word!

pink inked!

2009-10-08T19:33:00.000-07:00

life shrinks or expands in proportion to ones courage
-anais nin

we are all beautiful and deserve to take time out for ourselves.

wishing every one strength, courage and pink thoughts
on this pink Thursday, this pink October.

you will find more pink thoughts here and here

corner view: souvenir

2009-10-07T19:18:00.000-07:00

Last week i joined corner view courtesy of spain daily and this is my first take at it.
My favorite souvenir from Toronto would be the congestion at Kensington market, where cars fight the narrowness of the streets and pedestrians mock at the drivers. A sort of free will prevails amongst the people, who cross the streets as they like, sing on the streets and entertain passerbys. where you can enjoy the best burritos in the world!

In its proximity is China Town, my all time favorite, where you can find anything and everything under the sky. Where the shops pour out onto the sidewalks, where the smell of fish pervades the atmosphere and the whole street is like eye candy.

and high fashion casually walks by...

Yes, this for me is a typical souvenir of Toronto. You can find more corner views from around the world and their souvenirs at spain daily.

Nyle 1.0

2009-10-06T23:31:00.000-07:00

This weekend i attended a friend's daughter's first birthday and the parents' frenzy and excitement reminded me of little N's first which was July 14th.

I remember how i drove myself crazy making sure each and every detail was taken care of; the invites, the favors, the theme, the colors, the cake, the food and the decor. It was like being back in school working on my thesis, staying up late nights, making lists, listening to Dave Mathews, drinking coke and coffee. Planning, planning and lots of planning.

Family supported me, friends thought i was being ridiculous but stood by. You see, i didn't really leave them with much of a choice.

The result; well why don't you see for yourself. Here goes,

postcard invite designed by a dear friend who lives at
love,paper & ink.
these were hand written and mailed out to all our friends

behind the scenes: the night before
food prepared by my best friend
who flew all the way from DC just for this

sunshine, fresh flowers and shades of turquoise and lime
cutlery and napkin holders hand made out of paint color cards from Home Depot

the candy bar on our lovely patio

colorful candies from bulk barn

god is in the details

did i mention the theme was "robots and monkeys"....

.....thus the cake and the cupcakes by a dear friend : yes she is multi-talented!

the personalized favors with each child's name stamped on them...

from Nyles personal thank you stickers collection

and a slightly confused turquoise Nyle at 1.0

Hope you all enjoyed the pictures as much as i enjoyed sharing them.

Sharing these memories also made me realize that i am blessed with a great bunch of friends, my best friend whos always been there for me, my family here and back home and of course above all F whos been remarkably patient through my "everything has to be perfect" syndrome.

ok now before this post turns into an Oscar award speech i must take leave with just one thought
"it is better to appreciate what you have rather then focus on what yo dont, to count your blessings, and feel happy for others, rather then waste time and energy doing just the opposite"
-urbaniche's lame attempt at creating a quote

signing out right about now....

state of mind

2009-10-05T18:31:00.000-07:00

Thompson Landry gallery: my latest gallery crush
center painting reflection on glass window

thoughts racing,
brain finding it hard to keep up
nights happily sleepless
eyes closed but mind awake
thoughts, thoughts and more thoughts permeating the thin membrane of the mind
floating thoughts,
blurry thoughts,
moving thoughts,
racing thoughts.

notebooks,
black and white pages,
pen and ink
thoughts being inked,
thoughts being listed
ideas, images,
brainstorming..

what could this be..
a moment of inspiration
a spark of light,
a burst of creativity...

an all night phanstasmagoria

2009-10-03T20:46:00.000-07:00

On this sleepless night, the whole city of Toronto is buzzing with art, design and creativity. The excitement is contagious, the energy is spreading like an epidemic and Torontonians seem to be on a natural (some unnatural) high.

Some of these one night projects, installations and performances are happening right in my backyard (as i like to call it). It would have been a shame to miss that now wouldn't it be. So together with a couple of fellow art lovers , i threw myself into this all night party, complete with hot chocolates and bonfires and brought back a bunch of badly photographed phantasmagoria. Here's a quick sneak preview with more to come on flickr!

click on the image above for better view

What you see above is just a glimpse of this grand party that Scotiabank throws for the city every year. You can check the rest here and if you missed it dont fret, there will be more in 2010.

I have always loved living in the city heres another reason why!

wishing every one an artful weekend...cheers!!

this friday....

2009-10-02T17:13:00.000-07:00

The first Friday of October has been quiet and mostly spent in the comfort of our home.

rainful and blurry

It has been about a rainy morning and a misty evening

Toronto on a misty night

The in betweens have been mostly pending house chores.

chores big and small
This Friday has been about gaining inspiration from stories around the world, getting a fall wardrobe ready, catching up with friends old and new and looking forward to a weekend of Nuit Blanche.

i think therefore i am

Wishing every one a great weekend and leaving with a thought,
"Simple is hard to do. But, when you get there its so liberating. It means taking away things to arrive at just the right elements"
-Eileen Fisher

happy falling

2009-10-01T20:40:00.000-07:00

Summer has been trying to say farewell for a while now and i think it finally has. signs of change were visible in our morning walk today.

All the senses seemed awakened by the rustling of the leaves under the feet, the mellowed sun, the chill in the wind, an uncanny calmness and a general slowing down could be felt in the atmosphere. And much to my surprise, i liked the sight of the world slowing down around me, as if taking a break, allowing the change to seep in, bowing down to the call of nature. Fall is undoubtedly, my favorite

because with fall comes:

the right amount of cool temperature: tolerable and kind
a burst of color: orange, rust, red
my lovely tan shoes
hot chocolates and more coffee
shorter days and longer nights
season of mist and mellow fruitfulness
visits to museums: a spectular photography exhibition at the ROM, Vanity Fair Portraits, photographs since 1913-2008, to be attended
a free all night contemporary art thing
photography in a different
addition of the number one to my thirty
scrabble nights with friends
pink: the national breast cancer awareness month if October
small: because October is all about small is the new big (more on that later)
and a whole lot of loving, laughter and living with the ones we care for

stillness

everything we do is infused with the energy with which we do it. if we are frantic life will be frantic, if we are peaceful, life will be peaceful.
-Marianne Williamson

hapy October and happy fall!

i found "a beautiful revolution"...

2009-09-29T21:38:00.000-07:00

....and i had to share

Reading this message (which has now found a permanent place on my blog to your right)i realized how easy it is to get wrapped up in things, material things, labels, achieving, struggling to achieve, goals we set for ourselves, the race we put ourselves up to, one after another and yet another. And in this struggle to climb higher, to win, to battle, to prove, we keep getting sucked in deeper and deeper in this abyss, this well that we dig for ourselves. And we get devoured. And we forget.

We forget what it means to just be ourselves. To truly be ourselves and not what other want us to be or how we want others to perceive us as. We forget to look within, to find inspiration in the simple, to find inspiration in ourselves, to have the strength to face our fears. We forget to have the strength to speak our own words, our own language, to speak words that are truly our own.

Here’s to being ourselves no matter who we are. Here’s to recognizing others for what they are no matter who they are. Here’s to writing words of honesty, and here’s to a beautiful revolution!

Note: im a little peeved out about something and at someone today but since i promised myself to stay positive i thought ill vent positively as well. Here's to staying positive !!

Spanish holiday

2009-09-28T10:35:00.000-07:00

the city view from the palace; generalife

Briefly blogging about my Spanish holiday the other day forced me to go through some of the photographs of our memorable vacation. I thought I will share some of the adventures with my readers and begin right from the end: Alhambra, Granada; the perfect culmination to a Spanish retreat; the epitomy of islamic architecture, romantic, surreal, spiritual and poetic. I’m also sharing some of the pictures that survived the ill-fate of our Nikon experiment, that don’t do justice to the surreal beauty of the palace.

column detail,ornamental relief, interior

I will not say much as words are not enough. I will let you bask in the reverie of the palace, let imagination take flight, let your thoughts travel back in time, walk through the cool and windy courtyards, delicate and slender columns and arches, enchanting gardens and let you reflect in the glittering pools that are embedded in my memories forever.

“We seem lifted up into a purer atmosphere; there is serenity of soul, a buoyancy of spirits, an elasticity of frame that render mere existence enjoyment..” excerpt from one of the most well written books on the Alhambra that we picked up from their bookshop, Tales of the Alhambra, W. Irving, that you can read here.

courts of lion

And i know i said i won’t say much but i couldn’t resist sharing this from the above mentioned book, “The peculiar charm of this old dreamy palace is its power if calling up vague reveries and picturing of the past, and thus clothing naked realities with illusions of the memory and the imagination. As i delight to walk in these vain shadows, I’m prone to seek those parts of the Alhambra which are most favorable to this phantasmagoria of the mind, and nine are more so that the court of Lions and its surrounding halls. Here the hands of time has fallen the lightest and the trances of Moorish elegance and splendor exist in almost their original brilliance.”

arch detail

More to come on the rest of the cities we traveled to. till then i hope you enjoyed this. a lot many times i had heard people tell me that you have lived if you have visited the Alhambra. i understood exactly why after this.

Blog crushed, 15 randoms and happy weekending

2009-09-26T07:58:00.000-07:00

Moments of perfect clarity just made my weekend by picking me, an urbaniche as her blog crush. In the blogosphere, i consider that to be pretty big!!

So i thought i ll indulge in the self and write some 15 random things that make me, me. Of course a more poetic version of myself lives here

I have short finger nails that I’ve never grown or painted
I have small hands and consequently a fascination for oversized rings
I have never had my eyebrows shaped. Ever!
I have never changed the color of my hair or dyed them except for once in my life of 30 years when I streaked them red. Now their are signs of salt n pepper, which i intend on keeping.
I have curly hair that i love but don’t know how to manage.
I have had a life time crush on Bono and Johnny Depp.
Some of the famous dead people I would love to meet and share some ponderous moments with (maybe even intimate) Anais Nin, Frida, Jim Morrison, Picasso, Audrey Hepburn, Sadequain
If i was born in the sixties i know i would’ve been a hippy
I like to try everything and anything at least once in my life.
My most memorable character has been Heathcliffe from Wuthering heights. I love his deep, dark, self destructive, almost sinister passion and uncanny strength. He’s a lifetime crush as well
I worked at a school for special children, KVTC, for one whole year. That has been a life altering experience for me.
I am a black and white kinda girl. There are no in betweens for me.
I cannot do without my people and surprisingly they are all ARIES. Aries keeps me going. (theres a post coming up just for them)
My retirement plan is to open a flower shop but for now im happy here
Old things, old buildings, rusted cars, old cities, dead cities, all things old, fascinate me.

Thank you for dropping by. Lurkers, delurk!
Oh and just cause i had so much fun doing this, i tag the blogosphere to share some 15 randoms about yourself and dont forget to tag me or let me know in the comments so i can come read. Happy weekending!

silent contemplation

2009-09-24T20:37:00.000-07:00

I will not be just a tourist in the world of images, just watching images passing by which I cannot live in, make love to, possess as permanent sources of joy and ecstasy.
-
anais nin

need i say more...

Project 365 @ one week

2009-09-23T18:57:00.001-07:00

Today i have successfully and a little painstakingly, (due to little N's injury) completed my first week of Project 365. and here it is in a nutshell.

We bought our Nikon D40 in December 2008 for a Spanish holiday that we were off to. Bad idea! Never buy a new camera that too a DSLR that you’ve never used, right before a 2 week long vacation. Bad,bad,bad!

That is not to say we didn’t take pictures. Oh we took pictures. We took over a 1000 pictures that have not been sorted out to this day. But unfortunately only a handful turned out fairly decent. The rest make for a blurry stack of memories resting somewhere in F’s external hard drive.

Upon our return from a blurry and nauseous vacation we found out I was pregnant with little N, thus the nausea. Our silent disappointment at viewing what we were expecting to be a great work of art, (after all it was a a Nikon D40) we both made a silent resolution to never forget our point and shoot ever and to better acquaint ourselves to the Nikon. This of course was in preparation of little N’s arrival. The following 9 months, instead of reading baby books for parents F religiously read the manual so he could take better pictures and by the time N arrived he was officially the self-appointed photographer of the family.

Then mat leave happened, F got busy at work and we lost our family photographer to the corporatee world. It was time for me to take charge. And i finally picked up the camera and it was magic. And since then it has been impossible to put it down. Of course, all of last year has been about little N., Catching his every move, his expressions and all his firsts. This was reinforced by my free lance work with Art Strollers, as their PR consultant and event photographer, during my mat leave where I was surrounded with babies at all times.

But now finally after a year of trial and error, lessons from friends, short workshops and reading the manual thanks to Chez i can say the journey has begun. Project 365 is a great project for any self taught, self starter. It is a great exercise in practice makes perfect and forces you to read the manual, experiment with the camera every day, come up with creative shots and not to mention, creates a sense of commitment. I have thoroughly enjoyed the past one week and heres to hoping the remaining 359 days are just as nicheilious!

fractured and casted

2009-09-22T19:28:00.000-07:00

Bokeh maybe

After a great week of small accomplishments, a crazy haircut and a weekend full of celebrations, fun and laughter, we entered this week with a fracture and a cast. Little N, injured his leg while playing ball (soccer player in the making as F likes to say), followed by half the night at the urgent care and all of today at the emergency. And finally after a series of heart wrenching cries and streams of tears, belted x-rays, darkrooms and huge machines later, my brave little N ended up with a cast.

Surprisingly, what gave us courage was this little injured creature himself who managed to throw a smile in our direction, almost as if consoling these panic stricken adults, his parents.

There is something so very fascinating about children. They, unlike us adults forget and move on. They are free from holding grudges. They are fearless and strong. They are free spirited and full of life. It is no wonder they heal faster than us adults (that’s my theory at least).

Here is wishing my little N a speedy recovery and stronger legs and a lot many soccer games to his heart’s content.

a Nikon D300 experiment

On a different note some o f the stuff to look forward to this week:

Greys anatomy starting Thursday, Sept 24
Discovery of Dave Finkelstein. Music that is all about Somewhere still waiting
Coco avant Chanel with Audrey Tautou, my absolute favorite actress playing the legendary fashion icon Coco
And the discovery of a Bokeh-holic in me, thanks to Chez who led me to Aspidistra and the Bokeh love
and a lot many prayers needed for little N!

celebrations

2009-09-20T14:49:00.000-07:00

I have always been big on celebrating customs and traditions. But somehow this year we celebrated with more fervor, more eagerness and a lot more love. Maybe it has something to do with little N’s arrival.

Maybe it has something to do with us being home but so far from home, so far from the people we love, so far from the family and friends we have grown up with.

And maybe that’s why it is a blessing to have F’s family here. And maybe that’s why it is a blessing to have friends who are like family, to have family who are like friends, to share bonds with, to make memories with and to celebrate with.

Happy weekending to every one and very happy Eid celebrations to all our friends and family around the world.

Therapeutic defiance

2009-09-17T14:00:00.001-07:00

When i was expecting little N, people would come to our place and tell us how we will never be able to maintain the aesthetics of our house once we had a baby. But we had little N and yes it was challenging, we had to make adjustments and teach him how to adjust with our lifestyle. There were and are moments of frustrations. But all in all i think we have both made adjustments along with some sacrifices and i think it’s safe to say that we have reached a congenial understanding of each other. He knows and understands his limits and boundaries (at least we think he does) and we respect his space and let him grow.

This post however is not a confessional out pour of a design mom. It is however about a small challenge i put myself up to, who knows to even spite the above mentioned, self appointed advisory committee. I just recently sent some not so nice pictures of my space to one of my favorite websites, Apartment Therapy and much to my surprise got published. The exciting part was that we got featured but i have to say regretfully that I wish I had sent some more fun pictures and ones that were better photographed. It also felt good to be featured cause little N is an integral part of this house and it kind of felt like an achievement and a kick to all the negativity that people fill you with when you are expecting a baby.

So here we are in our home exactly at 1.5 of Nyleness and still living our lives the way we imagined it to be or even better than we expected. Since expectations were scarred, i took it up as a challenge to prove people wrong. Having a baby is not a life ending experience. It maybe a life altering experience but one that teaches you to grow and learn as you go. True, life is not as we knew it to be when it was just 2. But the number 3 seems to be working out just fine. And our home is organically growing with us, one layer after another. Hope you enjoy our nichelious abode.

lesson 1: picture of the day

2009-09-16T14:59:00.000-07:00

Project 365: 09.16.09

So i have officially enrolled myself in chez spuds fabulous camera club starting with her first lesson and the toughest of all i would think: READ THE MANUAL!
this followed by the grand opening of my Flickr account and of course one photo everyday. Practice, practice and more practice.

My photo each day will be posted on flickr, under Project 365. I will be committed and i will get through the next 365 days with one picture everyday. There i said it and now i WILL make it work!!

Wish me luck and join me on this journey. The more the merrier!

i got wordled

2009-09-15T19:31:00.000-07:00

busy day leads to lazy browsing evening, drowsy eyes, brain dead, hopes for a good night sleep and then you get wordled

try it and enjoy it!
have a good night

weekend wanderings:cheap thrills

2009-09-14T09:26:00.000-07:00

a garage sale in the neighborhood
a red tool box
hard cover books
pen & ink sketch: mother & child

all of the above $5 (cdn)

there is a sweet pleasure in acquiring treasures that are beautiful and cheap
hope you had a colorful and inexpensive weekend.

Red punctuation

2009-09-11T05:32:00.000-07:00

When life throws a punctuation at you

And nature follows suit.

Don’t just drive by.

Break the rules, turn around and catch it before its too late...
before the light is gone...

and you are left with nothingness.

a sunset caught just in time.
may we all catch our sunsets in time. have a happy, sunny weekend!

blog campers/photojunkies

2009-09-10T06:10:00.000-07:00

yayyy to technology and yayyy to hyperlinks!! i came across this super cool website Redvelvetart, through jam. For some reason (i wonder why, maybe you can guess)the blog campers came to mind and i had to share. For the blog campers and wannabe photographers like myself.

09.09.09: Writing is the new praying

2009-09-09T12:12:00.000-07:00

picture taken at the Artisan show at the Distillery
Hey Apathy! comics and art by Mike Parsons

Bumping into moments of perfect clarity has been the most exciting thing that’s happened to me in days. Her inspiring blog, her creativity and love for her Nikons are extremely addictive and have revived the dying blogger in me. On this auspicious date i have taken up her challenge of “writing is the new praying and decided

• I will look at the glass half full not half empty

• I will be more positive each day and not let myself sink even if it means to fight the inner demons. I WILL put up a fight! (Someone mentioned delayed postpartum. A year too late. I will not allow that)

• I will blog regularly. Writing i have come to realize helps me fight my anxieties and fears

• I will experiment with my Nikon and challenge myself further each day

• I will find beauty in the ordinary

• I will make the most of the remaining summer days

• I will get back to my sketching

• I will enjoy the very few moments of silence I get and take the time out to put my feet up and just breathe (when little N naps)

• I will watch the sunset and the birds take flight more often

• I will delete and i mean completely delete the unnecessary people in my life. People who mean nothing and never will. People who try to play with your head and shake you up. People who think they can say anything about your life, your mothering skills etc and think they can get away with it. I don’t have time for them and i will not make time for them. Deletion will be my way of confrontation

• I will make it a point to see and cherish what i have.

• I will be positively restless

• I will be optimistic even if im the Last Optimist on earth

I have written my something special. Special because I see these as vows to the self.

“so on this day, why not write something really special? who knows, it just might manifest in the world around you. it's certainly worth a try.”
-moments of perfect clarity

weekend wanderings

2009-09-07T20:53:00.000-07:00

After a tiring week we decided to end the Labor Day weekend by indulging in simple pleasures like

Watching artists at work at the Artisans crafts show in our neighborhood

See what we see everyday a little differently
play with my Nikon D40 till the battery died on us
Bask in the sun
Sip coffee
Watch the sunset
Stay still and enjoy the peace and quiet of a long week ending...

Bookshelf whimsy: Tankard

2009-09-06T11:00:00.000-07:00

At 1.3, i can reassure you that mommy hood has been a fun ride with its boohoos and bonks (our new favorite words), its challenges and its joys, its tantrums and its occasional grumpiness. I have to admit i sometimes am intentional maybe over intentional and deliberate with the way i spend time with N. I have a love for books and so does F and we have made an extra effort to inculcate this in N. Reading hours are frequent but not routine or timed and i try to get as creative with my narrative skills as possible. And of course a fun and colorful book always helps.

With all the newness of Mommy hood, i have discovered many things about myself including an absolute passion for children’s books. And I don’t mean the Walt Disney reads. But authors like Sharon Pierce McCullough (Bun Bun the middle one) , Julie Mergerb and Suzanne Bober ( A Magical day with Matisse) and Meeqail Maqsood (Bohat Bhokay Keeray) have opened up a window of creative imagination for little N and myself.

But an exceptional find that has blown me away is my absolute favorite, Jeremy Tankard. His work is fresh, urban, radical and avant garde. His illustrations and graphics are different in a very basic, simple way. The storyline is enjoyable to read out aloud and just as fun for me as it is for N. There is a perfect balance of type, design, color and illustration, the distinction between foreground and background perfectly played. Each page is like a painting, the kind i would like to see hanging in N’s room.

We love the tantrums thrown by grumpy bird, the simplicity of the advice the colorful friends are ready with, the gentle ambiguity and the placelessness of the landscapes, whether it’s a jungle, a farmhouse or cityscape and the hungry Edwin who decides to take matters in his own hands in Me Hungry.

Jermey, keep up the good work, keep writing and keep illustrating. We have the entire collection and are super excited about the sneak peek that we got of the dragonfly.

“Come on,” said Bird, who had forgotten all about being grumpy. “let’s fly back to my nest for a snack.” And they did.
-Grumpy Bird

Enjoy reading this collection!

Summer freshness

2009-09-02T07:44:00.001-07:00

Last evening I spent doing what I love doing the most: Cooking, feeding and entertaining. I love cooking. I find it to be very therapeutic and relaxing. And I cook in big quantities. So there’s always a lot of food and only two stomachs to feed. This takes me to my second passion feeding and entertaining. I love having people over, cooking a big meal and making sure all my guests have eaten to their stomachs content.

Yes, I am one of those annoying hostesses who will not eat when every ones eating. I will hover making sure their plate is always full. I will float in and out of the kitchen refilling and reheating. I will not let anyone into my kitchen to help before the meal is served. I will set the table myself, because it’s already pre-set in my head. I will expect help in cleaning up. I will serve dessert even if it’s not home made. I will serve tea with cinnamons and cardamoms because I love the smell it produces (I’ve never had tea myself). I will laugh and talk profusely because I love to see my guests smiling. And I will expect them to shower me with compliments. And this round of applaud will surely win them their next invitation.

So last night was a night of politics, world and the future. It was when little N kept everyone revitalized on a weeknight. It was a night of laughter and memories, prayers and togetherness. A night of open windows and soft winds. A night of celebrating sunny days and long summer nights. A night of summer freshness with the smell of fall around the corner.

Hope everyone had a good night

object of my affection

2009-08-31T22:11:00.000-07:00

In the Architects and designers section of Architectural Digest I came across this very inspiring piece discussing “what is one accessory, piece of furniture or design element in your home you cannot live without?”

It got me thinking of the object of my affection in my home, that one piece that is so very dear to me. The accessory that I cannot live without, the one design element that makes my home very close to home (my homeland). And it brought me to this group of sepia prints that hold sentimental value for me.

The three images, from left to right anti-clockwise are of three different cities of Pakistan, Peshawar (Qissa Kahani Bazaar, transl: story-telling bazaar), Karachi (Tollington Market) and Lahore (Badshahi Mosque) photographed towards the end of the nineteenth century. The fourth piece is a post card in the most beautiful Arabic calligraphy of the Ayat-ul-Kursi (verses from the Quran).

One would question why these particular pieces. Well for one, the three photographs were originally part of a calendar that someone had heartlessly thrown in the garbage at my architecture school back home. Now I’m no garbage digger, but as I saw the grandeur and serenity of the Badshahi Mosque magically captured by an unnamed photographer through his camera lens and stored forever in this image, I could not help myself. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. 7 years ago when I had pulled it out of the trash I had no idea what I would do with these images or how I would use them. But here they are 7 years later framed and cherished. The objects of my affection, a constant reminder of home, seamlessly bridging the gap of nostalgia, shedding light on childhood memories. My companions during the day and inspiration at night fall.

As for the postcard, it is part of my father’s wide range of postcard collection, that I unquestionably inherited (my siblings dare not put up a fight). Seeing these pieces everyday make me positively reminiscent and make my house a home.

I hope you enjoyed my object of affection. What is yours? Please do share

a changed perspective

2009-08-28T03:52:00.000-07:00

There is something in the warmth of the morning light peeping through the curtains, the sparkle in the eye at the break of a smile, the beauty of a wrinkle around the eyes, the age of a brick through its color, the smell of coffee through the steam it produces, the rusting bench sitting at the corner of the street.

I’m seeing all this and so much more since i befriended a Nikon D40. A new journey has begun. A journey of unraveling the simple joys of life, capturing moments, faces, emotions, spaces, cities. Learning and seeing. Clicking and observing and clicking some more.

I wish to master this art some day. I wish to speak through my lens. I wish to communicate all that i cannot through words. I wish to share the world through my eyes, as I see it. I wish, I wish, I wish...the wishlist is endless. But till then here(pictures in this blog) are some wishes that I’ve captured. I hope you enjoy them!

this Girl

2009-08-25T19:33:00.000-07:00

This girl is deep orange-red and blue seas. She is crashing waves and the smell of rain. She is green leaves, earth and wood. She is lightness and laughter and all things so.

She is autumn not winter. She is daisies not roses.

She is streetcars and subways. She is breakfast and Sundays.

She is patios on a sunny afternoon and jazz with the girls at night. She is dancing not yoga. She is friends and joy.

She is antique markets and beauty that catches her eye. She is stones and silver not diamonds and gold. She is breathing and alive not dead and cold.

This girl is winding roads and spider webs. She is silence and screams, contradictions and dreams.

She is lost and yet found. She is surrounded and yet alone.

She is urban and chic. She is brick lanes and coffee beans.

She is oil paints not watercolour. She is camera lens and detail lover.

She is cooking not baking. She is entertaining and swimming.

She is textures and maps. Doesn’t forgive and forgets.

She is books and bookshelves. She is Wizard of OZ and Alice in wonderland. She is Nin and Frida, she is Hepburn and Amelie.

She is moments and memories. She is nostalgic and naive. She is impulsive and creative. She is chaotic and wild.

She is making mistakes. She is trial and error. She is a mother and married to her high school lover.

She is trekking through the self, she is discovering on the way. She is black and white with no shades of grey. She is living and learning, clicking and noticing, she is fashion and design, she is architecture and all things fine. She’s searching for balance and looking to pause. She is happy she found sweet indigo life. She feels inspired and revived. This girl is everything me!!

Who are you?

Afternoon nap

2009-06-28T20:35:00.000-07:00

As N takes a nap i gather his belongings and his mess, this is the one chore that i do with a smile on my face. I found these under the sofa. Is it a wonder why this is my most enjoyable chore?

Intimacy

2009-05-18T20:58:00.001-07:00

lately F has been keeping busy
and even on days when there is not much to say,
a lot is said in the silence that pervades
and a lot is shared over
bread and cheese on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

Walls that speak

2009-05-05T19:34:00.000-07:00

Kensington Market

The boy who ate the words...

2009-04-30T13:46:00.000-07:00

80 clicks around the world--the #5 challenge!

2009-04-28T18:28:00.000-07:00

I will not explain my disappearance from the blog world. A lot of time has gone by since i was last here. And a lot has changed, as most things do when time passes you by. I got consumed. Consumed with work, family, friends, home, routine and life in general. I forgot to pause and breathe. While still in the midst of all of this my ovaries decided to jolt me and i became pregnant. And last year July 2008 i was thrown into " the whole motherhood thing".

9 months of confusion and happiness later here i am, mother of a beautiful boy, Nyle.

But i would like to explain my reappearance. I have to admit i have been consumed with thoughts of blogging since forever now, but the final push came from a fellow blogger mom's tag. This tag has been a real challenge. The challenge is to share five, yes only five things, i love about being a mom!! And please try it yourself before rolling your eyes, cause it really isn't as simple as it sounds.

So the #5 challenge resulted in the following thoughts:

Discovering love as i have never known before: Growing up i never understood why my mother would stay up till i wasn't home at night or always be watchful of what I'm doing. I thought of her as a bit overbearing and over protective. But less did i know then what i know and feel now. It was all because she loved me. Loved me in inexplicable ways. Love that would take all kinds of different shapes and forms of expression. Because really, there is no one way of expressing it. Love that would not require replenishing. Love with no strings attached. Love that is truly unconditional. We usually see things not for what they are but what we are. And today i see my mothers love differently cause i am one myself. I feel love like I've never felt before. Love that is all giving and never expecting to receive. Love that grows everyday. Love that finds solace and peace in watching Nyle grow. Love that wants to smother and hover and yet watch him fall and rise from a distance. I love loving the way i love as a mom!
The Clark Kent syndrome: The Mom-Me is my alter ego, my second self, an alternate identity born upon Nyle's birth. A self that possess superhuman multitasking abilities, a self that i never knew i possessed or was capable of possessing. A self who can think for two people, who can take up innocuous fronts to fulfill ulterior motives, who can turn "with or without you" into a lullaby, who can be creatively entertaining, dramatically ripping my clothes for quick transference of character from Me to the Mom-Me. And this co-existence of the so many mees inside the one me has been very fascinating. I love that being a mom has been and will continue to be a self discovering journey. And each new discovery make me positively strong.
Distilled: Apart from the confusion of becoming a new mom, reaching the understanding that i will be right as many times as i am wrong and not knowing half the time what im doing, i had to grapple with the challenges of every one telling me what to do and what not to do. As if my becoming a mother has given other mothers old or new a license to trudge my hood. And this led to distillation. Distillation of the sense from the nonsense, distillation of comments, distillation of being judged. I have acquired the power of selective hearing. i can very easily ignore what i dont like and go on with life uneffected. I love that becoming a mother has given me the power to distill. Im happier distilling. and a happy mom means a happy baby!
Expecting the unexpected: The pre-mom me was a planner. Always expecting what was expected. But the Mom-Me has learned to expect the unexpected. I never planned on co-sleeping, or feed in public, i never imagined i would be the kind of mom who shows physical affection. And now i cannot imagine otherwise. Just when i think N has a sleeping routine he changes on me. The pre mom-me would ve completely freaked out at this, but the Mom-Me loves this twist. Its always a new, exciting twist and i love the unpredicatablity of what N has in store for me.
Broken conversations: Some charming conversations, discussions and friendships have been made since i ve entered mother hood. Before i became a mother i think i was too arrogant and self indulgent to pay attention to what moms had to say, trivializing the mother's hood and mother's life to household chores and routines. But i have met some very interesting women who have embarked on this journey of motherhood and have very interesting experiences to share and intelligent conversations to make. And even though these conversations are broken and interruoted by feeds and diaper changes, they are short and meaningful. I love being a mom cause its opened me up to a completely new world!

Here's my little angel who completes me!

COMPLETE

2006-11-06T18:49:00.000-08:00

By George Carlin

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

how COMPLETE are we?

RED

2006-10-17T08:01:00.000-07:00

i dont do drugs....
i just do COKE ...

"he does not need opium.he has the gift of reverie"
-anais nin

if i could i would....

2006-10-03T11:24:00.000-07:00

Soyem

It is with great regret we announce the sad demise of Ailya Jaffri (Architecture graduate - 2002), an Alumnus, a colleague and a friend of the Indus Valley School of Art and Architecture.

She will be deeply remembered in all our hearts and we hope and pray that she finds peace and solace.

Her Soyem is being held at Mr. Zaidi's Residence, Appt. No. B5, Jason Luxury Condominiums (Opposite St. Micheal School Clifton) On Thursday 29th of September 2006 at 4pm.

we apologize that this mail might reach you late but information was passed on to you as soon as it was made available to us.

found this email sitting in my hotmail account which i seldom check...
did hear about her sister 3 weeks ago n got an email from N n a call from 2 other friends about Ailiyas death...
she was with me at indus but we were together in A levels as well...this as been such a shocker...
this is what life has been throwing at me lately news of deaths, betrayls, loss of friends, deceptions and lack of trust.

what is there to say at times like these...thus my silence...which im trying to break today and every day...struggling through it and lots more...but there s hope as long as there s love... and that makes me stronger!!

so.....
if i could i would....

just lie in my mothers arms and cry to my hearts content...
listen to her brave words of encouagement...
share with her the unsaid thoughts..
the unspoken words...
and when i have grieved...
she will leave...cause she knows she has given me courage once again...
she has shown me hope...
and she has given me strength to stand up on my own feet and fight...
and i am strong once again!!

IN-SPIRES

2006-08-28T06:56:00.000-07:00

It all seems a lie
The time that flew by

The walk in the woods
Where time just stood

The dancing in the rain
When the hand was refrained

Somebody conspired
To leave me in-spires!!

S P A C E

2006-08-09T09:21:00.000-07:00

take off your shoes and walk along a beach through the oceans last thin sheet of water gliding landwards and seawards. you feel reconciled in a way you would nt feel if there were a forced dialogue between you and either one or the other of these great phenomena. for here in between land and ocean---in this in between realm, something happens to you that is quiet different from the sailors nostalgia. No landward yearning from the sea, no seaward yearning from the land. No yearning for the alternative---No escape from one into the other...

aldo van eyck

knowing is not E N O U G H !!

2006-07-06T06:59:00.000-07:00

photograph by F

at work someone had posted the following

"It is not enough to stare up the steps, we must step up the stairs."
Vaclav Havel

choice or manipulation

2006-06-29T08:19:00.001-07:00

we SEE
HEAR
READ
SURF

we are being SCANNED
DIGITALIZED
PHOTOGRAPHED
FINGERPRINTED
IDENTIFIED
TRACED

MENTALLY BOMBARDED

COKE OR PEPSI
WALMART OR DOMINION
STARBUCKS OR TIM HORTONS
NIKE OR ADDIDAS
GAP OR CK
ADVERTISING OR BRANDING

MEDIA; an intervening substance through which something else is transmitted or carried on
(http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/media)
TELEVISION; the transmission of visual images of moving and stationary objects, generally with accompanying sound, as eclectromagnetic waves into visual images
(http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/media)
NEWSPAPER; yesterdays, stale congealed reality
RADIO; Communication of audible signals encoded in electromagnetic waves
(http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/media)
BILLBOARDS; "the city of tamara, you penetrate it along streets thick with sign boards jutting from the walls. the eye does not see things but the image of things that mean other things"
(Calvino, Italo. Invisible Cities)

these are all designed to " flood us with the kaleidoscopic soothing images of United Streets of Diversity and Microsofts wide open "where doyou want to go today? enticements....The real question is not " where do u want to go today?" but "how best can i steer you into the synergized maze of where I want you to go today?"
(Klein, Ann. NO LOGO)

we are constantly in zones of simultaneouity,
of transmission,
of transcience,
of being processed.

Reality is being manipulated and processed at all times and being trnasmitted to us in the form of leisure or labor, consumption or production. The media ecology is in constant struggle to slowly anesthetize the human brain.
We willigly or unwillingly leave fingerprints behind. Less do we know our tracks are being watched and then navigated in a certain direction.

"Well, i mean, yes idealism, yes dignity of pure research, yes the pursuit of truth in all its forms, but

there come a point im afraid where you begin to suspect that if theres any real truth, its that the entire multi dimensional infinity of the Universe is certainly being run by a bunch of maniacs....."
(Adams, Douglas. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

At cash desks you hear a voice: " your telephone number and postal code please"
As soon as you give out the information and they type in the numbers, consider yourself sucked into the abysmal system of digital manipulation. An infinite whole opens up in the fabric of the digital space-time database and u become a distinct part of an undistinguishable whole. this whole is the container of information. Your likes and dislikes, your brand of clothing, shoes, food, cellphone lines, books, music, art, religion...one swipe of your visa, debit, mastercard and you leave yourself exposed. These databases then become public corridors under constant survelliance.

are we making a choice?
are we making a choice?
are we making a choice?
are we making a choice?
are we making a choice?
are we making a choice?

YES, when it snows we can either shovel or make snow angels
NO, when we sedate our minds with the media, sit and absorb like "passive sponges soaking up spin-doctored accounts and sitcom solutions as unabashed truth"
(http://www.newevolution.org/gallery.php?piece=antid)
MAYBE, when we become aware, when we reach for the impossible and not settle for compromising--when we become less complacent. When we choose wisely !!

sharing of ideas, viewpoints, discussions---HOPE

2006-06-26T08:32:00.000-07:00

Hi there !!
Well it has been a week since we returned wow feels longer.
I had a great time in Cuba I believe because of Fred he definitely brings
people out of there shells. I wanted to send you a few cds I think that are
very powerful in the words and intent. The night we talked about the people
in Pakistan and how that part of the world has been forgotten and of course
the other areas of conflict I was very impressed by your compassion both you
and your wife and knowledge. I guess you could say you two gave me hope
that with education and understanding we can and will make a difference in

our life times. If you would like please send me a address and I will
make copies and send them to you.
Let me know All the best Arlene McCormick Hamilton

F replied:

Galileo Galilee once said
"I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him".
That has been the motto in my life. I am humbled that you found our
knowledge to be of essence. In meeting you I found that knowledge is
also still respected and now I am sure that there is a lot we will
share in the future. I feel that with education there comes
'responsibility' ...where understanding develops 'liberal ideals', both
of which are the essence of human hope. ..........

food for thought

2006-06-21T08:07:00.000-07:00

sara: she did really well today
nicole: did u congragulate her?
sara: no not as yet
nicole: well make sure u do. "you dont ever want to become the person who does nt notice" (wink and smile)
sara: true i dont want to...

strangers in the night

2006-06-17T01:21:00.002-07:00

loud screams
deafening screams..
angry retorts...
a n g e r
demonic thoughts...
d e m o n s
all engulfing evil..
violent actions...
v i o l e n c e
doors slamming...
name calling...

s c r e a m s
a n g e r
d e m o n s
e v i l

D A R K N E S S
S I L E N C E
L O N L I N E S S

doors closing
barriers constructed..
car screeching
long, dark road...
d a r k n e s s
empty turns
low whispers
wind blowing
endless paths
inner conflicts
self contradictions
t h o u g h t s...

world cup football--INSTRUCTIONS FOR WIVES

2006-06-15T10:47:00.000-07:00

THIS MORNING I WAKE UP TO C A SURPRISE WAITING FOR ME IN MY GMAIL INBOX FROM F...
tv rules for wives till the 9th of july. im posting some important ones as follows:

during the game i will be blind, deaf and mute, unless i require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if u expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell on the floor...it wont happen.
please please please!! if u c me upset because one of my teams is losing DO NOT say " get over it its only a game" or " dont worry they ll win next time". if u say these things they will only make me agrier and i will love u less. remember u will never ever know more about football more than me and your so called words of encouragement will only lead to a break up.
if u have to pass in front of the tv during a game, i dont mind as long as u do it crawling on the floor without distracting me.
the replays of goals are very important. i dont care if i have seen them or i have nt seen them. i want to c em again. MANY TIMES. AGAIN N AGAIN
you are welcome to sit with me and watch one game and u can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime scores pleasing me. in additiong plese note im saying only one game: hence do not use the world cup as a nice cheesy excuse to spending time together.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR CO-OPERATION

a beautiful Cuban world

2006-06-13T19:02:00.000-07:00

The city spreads beneath our feet as we tread through its cobblestone streets, history marked in their crevices by the blood of the great rebels, revolutionaries, martyrs, guerillas and activists. To walk into the narrow, labrinthine streets of Old Havana is to walk into color, history, architecture, music, magic, harmony and love. A caress of colors and warmth reflected in the vibrant architecture of the city. A swing into past and present threaded together by the grandeur of Spanish style buildings juxtaposed by the reinvigorating palette created by the new buildings.

This is only the begining of our visually stimulating adventure. As we get lost deeper into the city, i notice water being thrown on the sidewalk, an old woman sweeping it away with a broom. Dirt floating down the gutters, windows opening out ont the street, children playing hopscotch, cats licking off leftovers from the cafes,dogs lazing around sidewalks. How reminscent it is of home. A sudden, profound joy engulfs me in watching the crowd, the activities. Every turn of the street, every corner is a visual, intellectual treat. Cuba as a whole is a country rich in art, literature and architecture. Schools and libraries are a common sighting with a message from the governement saying "we dont want you to believe we just want you to read" (96% literacy prevails in Cuba today, with free medical & dental treatment). Everyone seems to be an artist with their own unique style. Homes converted into art galleries. I had the enriching experience of walking into some ones living room which was his gallery, his studio, his world. I was overwhelmed with the simplicity of his lifestyle, and that of all the people we spoke to.

Santa cruz the next day and Matanzas the day after had a similar flavor to offer. Santa Cruz being a small town gave an insight to the social set up of the country. A city of no logos, no treachery of advertisments, no billboards playing havoc with the mind. A collectivism, a unity, a socialism in a classless society. COMMUNISM !! No rush, no hurry. An unfamilar tranquility. A purity, a freedom. A nation devoid of the materialistic attachment to possessions and values. The mayor of the city going to the same ration store with the same ration card where the farmer or the doctor is going. A society free of illusions and delusions. No insatiable hunger for power, no class distinction. Freedom !! the whole nation has a tremeondous all engulfing sense of freedom. Not the superficial illusion of freedom we live in. It is the freedom of the soul, the freedom of the mind, the freedom of spirit.

in the words of the icon of revolution and liberation, the natinal hero, Che Guevera
"there is no other definition of socialism valid for us than that of the abolition of the exploitation of man by man." and in anotherplace he continues to say
"one of the fundamental objectives it to remove interest, the factor of idiviual interest, and gain from peoples pyshological motivations."

Here is to an exemplary nation. Here is to Cuba, to our freinds Yankeel (student and Physical ed teacher), Mr. Luis (Professor of Art History, Univ. of Havana), the beach bar lot, and all the other friends especially Ken and Gwen. To happy memories....!!

liberation

2006-04-22T17:56:00.000-07:00

what a feeling of utter and complete liberation!!
i got my drivers licence today
passed the written driving test ...
i am now officially ready to come out on the road...yayyyy

The Libertine!!

2006-04-18T12:50:00.000-07:00

Countess: anyone can drink.
Rochester:(Johnny Depp) yes. but few can match my determination.

Johnny depps done it yet again. For those who have nt seen this movie as yet pls dont waste a second. it is a brilliant piece of performance, art work, acting, casting, filmography, set design, and above all Johnny depp. He delivers the severeness of the dialogues, their wit, their cynisim with unbeatable passion.

it is the story of John Wilmot a poet, a cynic and debauchee, set in a sombre 17 th century England. it is about a man who cared for nothing, not even himself. its a portrayal of his last few days when his drunken and lechorous ways get the better of him. hair raising acting, intense and absorbing. watching the movie ure thinking do i hate him, do i sympathize with him, do i pity him.

its an emotionally moving work of direction and acting. and i think the movie seems to have done justice to John Wilmots work, his perverseness, his hatred for life, his lack of faith, his anger, his lust and his sad end.

".....that is my prologue, nothing in rhyme, no protestations of modesty, you were not expecting that i hope.I am John Wilmot, Second Earl of Rochester and i do not want you to like me."

a little something for a little someone

2006-04-15T00:52:00.000-07:00

we prepared for you.....
we waited for you...

we talked about you endlessly...
watched how you grew inside mommy...
kicked and wiggled and danced...
u were happy ...
we were all happy...
we watched how mommy would nt stop eating.. mommy fell in love with daddy even more...
if she could she would eat him too...
she looked beautiful...
and daddy looked a little lost and confused but happy...

we heard your heart beating...
jumped with joy at each beat...
saw you curled up inside mommy....
could nt wait to have you with us...

and you have now arrived...
too bad khala missed it...
she was too far but shes with you and loves you...
and cant wait to cu and hug u and kiss u...
spoke to mommy and daddy...
their excitement was contagious....
mommy wants everyone to be pregnant....
but thats mommy...

N & O (my closest friends) had izdeyar 30 th march'06
hey guys love u and miss u lds...
wish i was there
this goes out to that time at jalal bhais khoka, O n my talks, and N n her tantrums...

what r friends for?

2006-04-15T00:42:00.000-07:00

a friend send this to me the other day... there s too much truth in it ;)

vicious cycle of questions

2006-04-09T13:23:00.000-07:00

'o' levels:
science or commerce?
it' ll decide what path your life takes...whole lotta crap!!

'a' levels:
grades?
u get into a good uni and u r set for life...

university:
ru done? married? what still not married?

graduated:
working? married? what your 25 working and still not married?

married:
independent house? with in laws?how many cars? servants? pregnant? kids?

a year after marriage:
what still no kids? beta/ friend everything k?what u doing with your life?

urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

exits and arrivals

2006-04-03T07:12:00.000-07:00

exits
29 th march '06, Karachi, Pakistan

they say the house was visited lately. the guest had wings which hovered over the door.
he knocked with a gentle tap. so gentle that even the host did not wake up.
he did not mean to wake anyone up afterall it was the middle of the day and it would b rude to do so. so he tiptoed his way through the room of the sleeping man evading the eyes of his wife who stood beside him in the room and invited him over. the sleeping man accpeted the kind invitation and walked out the door.

he left behind a woman whose life revolved around him, black n white photographs of them together, pictures of his children and grandchildren, his books, a house which resonated memories of their lives together, his body which at the age of 80 had begun to show signs of deterioration--- his whole world. they say the courage of life is a less dramatic spectacle than the courage of the final moment, but it is no less a magnificent mixture of triumph and tradegy.

f's nana left the world quietly in his sleep. he was buried the same day at maghrib.
"nones death comes to pass without making some impression, and those close to the deceased inherit part of the liberated soul and become richer in their humanness"

arrivals
dec '05, NY, u.s.a.

just a few mths back in another part of the world an embryonic seed had grown inside his daughter. she was the bearer of life. and finally dec of '05 she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. they named him omar.

exits and arrivals
29th march '06, TO, Canada
30th march '06, NY, u.s.a.

as soon as we heard the news f decided to take aunty to meet his sister in NY. the 7 hr long drive was quiet and restless. on arriving aunty n b khala met and shared their sorrow, talked at length about aba jaan and nostalgia took over. sorrow slowly turned into laughter as happy memories were shared. but the one tiny soul which brought life to this sad moment was omar. unknowingly, without any deliberation or effort he brought a smile to everyones faces. his smile, hs eyes shining, looking, observing and absorbing, his feet kicking at the joy of life, his tiny hands reaching out. this newness of life, this smell of freshness, this ray of hope, this little face of heaven, this little arrival of love and life at the exit of another. the sun afterall sets to rise again, autumn is followed by spring, and the stirring of life is bringing death alive.

this goes out to my nana who parted from us Feb '04, to my dadi, to my chachas who dies a very youg death and all those loved ones who have left us. we remember u for all that u lived for, what u stood for and what u were willing to die for. May your soul rest in peace. ameen

on the bright side......

2006-03-22T13:44:00.000-08:00

".....its tempting to wish for the perfect boss, the perfect partner, the perfect outfit.
but maybe the best any of us can do is not quit, play the hand we've been dealt, and accessorize what we,ve got."

carrie, sex and the city

2006-03-21T09:06:00.000-08:00

back from karachi...
jetlagged and sick...
brain blogged...or brain blocked...
lots to say...lots to write about...
share losses n gains...

the parallel worlds i call home...

2006-01-18T07:58:00.000-08:00

lucy discovers the secret closet and her creative imagination and child like spirit transports her to a parallel universe of Narnia. her adventures begin there. she meets the lion, the witch, the faun, mr. & mrs. beaver and many more fantastical creatures. everyone whos read and now watched The Chronicles of Narnia knows exactly what im talking about. and for those who havent read it go read it now and then watch the movie and grow up once again.

i discovered my little Narnia a year back and made it a parallel world to my home in karachi. unfortunately there was no secret closet that transported me into this snow clad land. im sure my comparison of the magical world of Narnia to a concrete jungle, Toronto must be making mr.C.S.Lewis toss and turn in his grave. all apologies to you mr. C.S.Lewis, may your soul rest in peace. this is nothing personal. watching the movie revived my childhood memories of the book. structurally, the sleek narrative of your book and my own adventures of being away from home ( the longest i ve ever been ) create a symmetry of events. im an architect sir. so i say its just a design thing. your from the creative world im sure you ll understand. IM NOT DERANGED. ;)

my magic and myth began a week after my landing when school started. it was a cruel winter. i had layers and layers of clothing, i was away from home, commuting was public, i was still trying to adjust to my new role of a wife, a daughter n sister-in-law, and i had no friends that i could call MY OWN. there were no rabbits coming out of a hat. this was one mysterious phase in my life i had to solve on my own with determination and resolve. im not goin to say F was not my most trusting, dependable faun. if it was nt for him i would nt have survived it. but my emotions which weer unexplainable and unrecognizable to myself had to be taken care of by myself alone.

however that phase is now long over. in it i met the white witch (winter), the lion (spring, summer and the flaming autumn), the fox, a couple of mr. & mrs. beavers some closer than others, and made some friends that i can call my own (S & A). now im ready to make a trip back home. ironically, home now is in two places. home is where F is and home is where i ve grown up, my family, my friends and pf course karachi my city. dual living with equal love and care. mashallah. so karachi here i come...

a natural high....

2006-01-12T05:27:00.000-08:00

the thing about taking a break is that you dont feel it till you actually get out of the city, out of your everyday shoes, out of meeting the same people, out of the mundane cartwheeling that life tricks you into (as hard as you may try to avoid it). distance and solitude become an absolute necessity. the need to be on your own, have your own space, spend quality time with eachother, enjoy silence, bask in nothingness is what you need after drudging through an unending cycle of life. you need an express check out of routine...!!

f & i do that a lot to keep ourselves sane. lunacy is easily attainable if sanity is nt kept in check from time to time. that is for the mental state. now for the physical state. fatigue creeps up uninvited and tires you out slowly but surely. last but not the least is the state of being itself. keeping the soul and the spirit intact is by far the most difficult and most important. i sound like a talk show. but the fact of the matter is that keeping the spirit alive is like living life to the fullest. the soul like the mindd and the body needs nurturing at all times. it needs to know it is cared for and not abandoned.

yes, im rejuvenated, and breathing, alive and kicking. i feel a weight lifted off my shoulder. i feel light, emotinally and physically (even though i ve put on around the waist). f feels the same. we have been on a natural high.we are both very spontaneous beings which is what i love about him the most. and therefore, a quiet weekend away from home has done us well. we eloped daringly in the middle of the day last weekend. we were discreet about it. our bodies had been sending out an sos to our brains which was becoming impossible to ignore. it was a weekend best left unexplained. words can turn beautiful moments into memories. we are still enjoying it and before it becomes a memory we will revive it again!!