...and thats why im secretive!!

gotta love Daniel Day-Lewis in this...a year too late!

corner view: coffee companion

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more coffee companions
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lollywood virgins

Lollywood
-noun
Pakistani Film Industry

i see a co-existence of self preservation and dignity.
i see beauty and the beast.
i see lust and power.
i see a dreamer and a doer.
i see grotesque beauties.
i see dreams and desires.
i see violence, blood and gore.
i see rebellion.

what do you see?

how much does your life weigh?

"make no mistake, your relationships are the heaviest components in your life"
Ryan Bingham, Up in the Air

i love traveling but i hate packing. flying makes me anxious. i hate going through the check in line, immigration, body search and you know the drill. so when i arrived home after a full day at the spa courtesy of sister, who baby sat N and took care of packing three suitcases, all i had to do was shower, change and look good for a 14 hour long flight.

i ran a quick and final check through the room i had occupied the last three months at my parents house. bedroom-empty. bathroom-empty. closets-empty. drawers-empty. suitcases packed and waiting for me at the door. and by empty i mean devoid of my belongings of course.

so now that all my belongings were safely packed away then why did it seem there was still something missing. after three months away from home, work and my life i had been super excited to get back to some normalization. why was it then that i felt incomplete. like a big part of me was left unpacked. something very precious to me was not in those suitcases.

i could hear my parents and sister playing with N, making the most of these last few moments with him, capturing his every move in the camera of their minds. and it made me realize what Clooney so aptly put into words in Up in the Air, "how much does your life weigh?". and after all the knick knacks were packed away in those suitcases that stood there silently, constantly reminding me of the goodbyes that were to follow. what remained were the "....people you trust with your most intimate secrets. your brothers, your sisters, your parents.....You get them into that back pack, feel the weight of that bag. make no mistake, your relationships are the heaviest components in your life."

and we said our goodbyes. i went through check in. my luggage was not excess. but i felt very heavy. "how much does your life weigh?" at that point in my life it was excess by three months worth of memories, love, arguments, laughter, tears, friends and family, in which every second was lived a hundredfold its actual potential. im back now with a heavy heart but fond memories.

corner view: sweets

candy bar at Nyle's 1st birthday

find more sweets here

mama i you...

all this while i had been waiting for him to say "mama, i love u"....
how could i not see what i needed to hear was already being said

p.s: he has started saying the words too now
"mama, i u"
and love is in the actions

pics courtesy of Nariman Ansari
firefly photoworks

6 years and a Nyle later...

......i love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. i love you straightforwardly without complexities or pride; so i love you because i know no other way
--pablo neruda

6 years ago there was so much to say...
6 years later there is less said and yet so much felt....

heres to us,
heres to love & marriage,
heres to so much more.