...and thats why im secretive!!

gotta love Daniel Day-Lewis in this...a year too late!

corner view: coffee companion

click on image to view
more coffee companions
found here

lollywood virgins

Lollywood
-noun
Pakistani Film Industry

i see a co-existence of self preservation and dignity.
i see beauty and the beast.
i see lust and power.
i see a dreamer and a doer.
i see grotesque beauties.
i see dreams and desires.
i see violence, blood and gore.
i see rebellion.

what do you see?

how much does your life weigh?

"make no mistake, your relationships are the heaviest components in your life"
Ryan Bingham, Up in the Air

i love traveling but i hate packing. flying makes me anxious. i hate going through the check in line, immigration, body search and you know the drill. so when i arrived home after a full day at the spa courtesy of sister, who baby sat N and took care of packing three suitcases, all i had to do was shower, change and look good for a 14 hour long flight.

i ran a quick and final check through the room i had occupied the last three months at my parents house. bedroom-empty. bathroom-empty. closets-empty. drawers-empty. suitcases packed and waiting for me at the door. and by empty i mean devoid of my belongings of course.

so now that all my belongings were safely packed away then why did it seem there was still something missing. after three months away from home, work and my life i had been super excited to get back to some normalization. why was it then that i felt incomplete. like a big part of me was left unpacked. something very precious to me was not in those suitcases.

i could hear my parents and sister playing with N, making the most of these last few moments with him, capturing his every move in the camera of their minds. and it made me realize what Clooney so aptly put into words in Up in the Air, "how much does your life weigh?". and after all the knick knacks were packed away in those suitcases that stood there silently, constantly reminding me of the goodbyes that were to follow. what remained were the "....people you trust with your most intimate secrets. your brothers, your sisters, your parents.....You get them into that back pack, feel the weight of that bag. make no mistake, your relationships are the heaviest components in your life."

and we said our goodbyes. i went through check in. my luggage was not excess. but i felt very heavy. "how much does your life weigh?" at that point in my life it was excess by three months worth of memories, love, arguments, laughter, tears, friends and family, in which every second was lived a hundredfold its actual potential. im back now with a heavy heart but fond memories.

mama i you...

all this while i had been waiting for him to say "mama, i love u"....
how could i not see what i needed to hear was already being said

p.s: he has started saying the words too now
"mama, i u"
and love is in the actions

pics courtesy of Nariman Ansari
firefly photoworks

6 years and a Nyle later...

......i love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. i love you straightforwardly without complexities or pride; so i love you because i know no other way
--pablo neruda

6 years ago there was so much to say...
6 years later there is less said and yet so much felt....

heres to us,
heres to love & marriage,
heres to so much more.

corner view: contrast

"there was always in me, two women at least, one woman desperate and
bewildered, who felt she was drowning and the other who would leap into a scene, as upon a stage, conceal her true emotions because they were weaknessess, helplessness, despair and present to the world only a smile, an eagerness, curiosity, interest"

--anais nin

cont-rast [n. kon-trast]
-noun
opposition or juxtaposition of different forms, lines or colors in a
work of art to intensify each
element's properties and produce a more dynamic
expressiveness

find more contrasts here

euphoria 31

swirling life

somewhere in the midst of living and dreaming, somewhere in the midst of growing and learning, one more year added itself to my big 30. this year promises to weave some more dreams and to live the dreams already dreamt. a year that started through a midnight kiss and a warm embrace from a best friend who also happens to be my life partner. a year of continued wonder and bewilderment at the speed of time, the speed of growth and the need to catch every passing moment of Nyleness.

November falls right at the turn of a season. it reminds me of the smell of winter back home, childhood friends and family and makes me nostalgic. and since it also happens to be my birthday on the first of each November, this is also the time of the year that makes me contemplate on the whole idea of birthdays and celebrations, gifts and expectations. people always want to know how your birthday went, what did your loved ones do to make it special for you, what gifts did you receive, basically how eventful or uneventful was your life on this day when you came into the world. i like birthdays because i love celebrations, food, music, laughter and friends.

but this year seems a little different. this year these queries made me think that my loved ones dont really need to do anything special to make me feel special(not a new revelation, just a stronger one)they do it just by being there. loved ones will not just leave a message on facebook but try to reach me in person. they will take out time to call. they will make efforts to get every one together so we can celebrate. happiness really is such a simple concept. it can be found in simple gestures. it can be husband preparing breakfast or coming home to a clean house with the incense burning, again courtesy of husband who knows i find pleasure in small details.

it can be friends calling from around the world, it can be family singing happy birthday over the phone in the most un-synchronized tune. it can be a steak dinner with great friends, nyle refusing to sit in the high chair and husband not eating so he can entertain nyle while i eat, and a cake appearing at the end. happiness is chatting non stop with your best friend about anything and everything. it comes in emails from brother who is usually not very expressive "sara is 31 now! wow my sisters 31 and the mother of a child and still very cool!". happiness is dropping all guards in front of sister and complaining to hearts content without being judged. of course happiness is also in husband dropping me here saying shop till you drop. a girl can never have enough shoes can she?

conclusion: happiness, birthdays, celebrations and above all love manifests themselves in subtle ways. it creeps up with subtlety, it grows silently. it doesnt have to be loud, it doesnt have to be publicly displayed. if its there, it will show itself in your gleaming eyes, it will show itself in giving eachother space, it is in actions, it is in content smiles, its in trust and its in your heart.

at 31 i want to live more, love more, dream more, play more and grow everyday with the ones i love and settle for nothing less of euphoria!

when the girls get together....

there will be journeys of the hearts: image kelly rae

there will be Coco Avante Chanel,
there will be drinks and gelatos with warm chocolate syrups.
there will be talk of world and religion,
there will be talk of love and marriage.
there will be talk of inner conflicts and sorting thoughts
there will be talk of birthing miracles and raising kids,
there will be talk of fashion and shoes
there will be dreams shared and uncontrollable laughters with tears
there will be a full night of binging without a care,
there will be pumpkin pies
and sleepy eyes
and above all there will be good times well shared!

this was a weekend dedicated to the girls
and as girls will be girls there was all of the above and so much more.
Thank God for good friends!

corner view: dreams

dreams are brains way of building a cartography of thoughts, images, emotions, ambitions
and mapping them out in the sub conscious. i use dreams to list and store and
return to them one by one, from time to time. i then let the conscious sort them out
and find ways of making them possible.
i believe all dreams can come true, you just have to push yourself that extra mile and the next thing you know you are LIVING your DREAMS

talk of dreams always brings this tune to my head.
enjoy dreaming...
and find more dreamers here

much needed....

after the craziness of this month is over i will need:

• to park myself somewhere and breathe.
  
• to take a vacation.
  
• to step away from work.
  
• to get some sleep.
  
• home cooked food.
  
• manicures and pedicures
• to pick up a book and hide in a corner
• to switch my brain off while it rejuvenates
• to not think design
• to just photograph more
  
• to go shopping and buy shoes
• get back to friday dinners with my girlfriends
  
• to watch a movie with husband
• to play with little N without interruptions and....
• just simply indulge

hope every ones having a restful weekend!

corner view: love

love is...
...in post it notes where you least expect them
...in memories that always bring a smile
it is where the heart is...


there is more love to be found at spaindaily

pink inked!

life shrinks or expands in proportion to ones courage
-anais nin

we are all beautiful and deserve to take time out for ourselves.

wishing every one strength, courage and pink thoughts
on this pink Thursday, this pink October.

you will find more pink thoughts here and here

state of mind

Thompson Landry gallery: my latest gallery crush
center painting reflection on glass window

thoughts racing,
brain finding it hard to keep up
nights happily sleepless
eyes closed but mind awake
thoughts, thoughts and more thoughts permeating the thin membrane of the mind
floating thoughts,
blurry thoughts,
moving thoughts,
racing thoughts.

notebooks,
black and white pages,
pen and ink
thoughts being inked,
thoughts being listed
ideas, images,
brainstorming..

what could this be..
a moment of inspiration
a spark of light,
a burst of creativity...

happy falling

Summer has been trying to say farewell for a while now and i think it finally has. signs of change were visible in our morning walk today.

All the senses seemed awakened by the rustling of the leaves under the feet, the mellowed sun, the chill in the wind, an uncanny calmness and a general slowing down could be felt in the atmosphere. And much to my surprise, i liked the sight of the world slowing down around me, as if taking a break, allowing the change to seep in, bowing down to the call of nature. Fall is undoubtedly, my favorite

because with fall comes:

• the right amount of cool temperature: tolerable and kind
• a burst of color: orange, rust, red
• my lovely tan shoes
• hot chocolates and more coffee
• shorter days and longer nights
• season of mist and mellow fruitfulness
• visits to museums: a spectular photography exhibition at the ROM, Vanity Fair Portraits, photographs since 1913-2008, to be attended
• a free all night contemporary art thing
• photography in a different
• addition of the number one to my thirty
• scrabble nights with friends
• pink: the national breast cancer awareness month if October
  
• small: because October is all about small is the new big (more on that later)
  
• and a whole lot of loving, laughter and living with the ones we care for

stillness

everything we do is infused with the energy with which we do it. if we are frantic life will be frantic, if we are peaceful, life will be peaceful.
-Marianne Williamson

hapy October and happy fall!

i found "a beautiful revolution"...

....and i had to share

Reading this message (which has now found a permanent place on my blog to your right)i realized how easy it is to get wrapped up in things, material things, labels, achieving, struggling to achieve, goals we set for ourselves, the race we put ourselves up to, one after another and yet another. And in this struggle to climb higher, to win, to battle, to prove, we keep getting sucked in deeper and deeper in this abyss, this well that we dig for ourselves. And we get devoured. And we forget.

We forget what it means to just be ourselves. To truly be ourselves and not what other want us to be or how we want others to perceive us as. We forget to look within, to find inspiration in the simple, to find inspiration in ourselves, to have the strength to face our fears. We forget to have the strength to speak our own words, our own language, to speak words that are truly our own.

Here’s to being ourselves no matter who we are. Here’s to recognizing others for what they are no matter who they are. Here’s to writing words of honesty, and here’s to a beautiful revolution!

Note: im a little peeved out about something and at someone today but since i promised myself to stay positive i thought ill vent positively as well. Here's to staying positive !!

Spanish holiday

the city view from the palace; generalife

Briefly blogging about my Spanish holiday the other day forced me to go through some of the photographs of our memorable vacation. I thought I will share some of the adventures with my readers and begin right from the end: Alhambra, Granada; the perfect culmination to a Spanish retreat; the epitomy of islamic architecture, romantic, surreal, spiritual and poetic. I’m also sharing some of the pictures that survived the ill-fate of our Nikon experiment, that don’t do justice to the surreal beauty of the palace.

column detail,ornamental relief, interior

I will not say much as words are not enough. I will let you bask in the reverie of the palace, let imagination take flight, let your thoughts travel back in time, walk through the cool and windy courtyards, delicate and slender columns and arches, enchanting gardens and let you reflect in the glittering pools that are embedded in my memories forever.

“We seem lifted up into a purer atmosphere; there is serenity of soul, a buoyancy of spirits, an elasticity of frame that render mere existence enjoyment..” excerpt from one of the most well written books on the Alhambra that we picked up from their bookshop, Tales of the Alhambra, W. Irving, that you can read here.

courts of lion

And i know i said i won’t say much but i couldn’t resist sharing this from the above mentioned book, “The peculiar charm of this old dreamy palace is its power if calling up vague reveries and picturing of the past, and thus clothing naked realities with illusions of the memory and the imagination. As i delight to walk in these vain shadows, I’m prone to seek those parts of the Alhambra which are most favorable to this phantasmagoria of the mind, and nine are more so that the court of Lions and its surrounding halls. Here the hands of time has fallen the lightest and the trances of Moorish elegance and splendor exist in almost their original brilliance.”

arch detail

More to come on the rest of the cities we traveled to. till then i hope you enjoyed this. a lot many times i had heard people tell me that you have lived if you have visited the Alhambra. i understood exactly why after this.

Blog crushed, 15 randoms and happy weekending

Moments of perfect clarity just made my weekend by picking me, an urbaniche as her blog crush. In the blogosphere, i consider that to be pretty big!!

So i thought i ll indulge in the self and write some 15 random things that make me, me. Of course a more poetic version of myself lives here

1. I have short finger nails that I’ve never grown or painted
2. I have small hands and consequently a fascination for oversized rings
3. I have never had my eyebrows shaped. Ever!
4. I have never changed the color of my hair or dyed them except for once in my life of 30 years when I streaked them red. Now their are signs of salt n pepper, which i intend on keeping.
   
5. I have curly hair that i love but don’t know how to manage.
6. I have had a life time crush on Bono and Johnny Depp.
7. Some of the famous dead people I would love to meet and share some ponderous moments with (maybe even intimate) Anais Nin, Frida, Jim Morrison, Picasso, Audrey Hepburn, Sadequain
8. If i was born in the sixties i know i would’ve been a hippy
9. I like to try everything and anything at least once in my life.
   
10. My most memorable character has been Heathcliffe from Wuthering heights. I love his deep, dark, self destructive, almost sinister passion and uncanny strength. He’s a lifetime crush as well
11. I worked at a school for special children, KVTC, for one whole year. That has been a life altering experience for me.
    
12. I am a black and white kinda girl. There are no in betweens for me.
13. I cannot do without my people and surprisingly they are all ARIES. Aries keeps me going. (theres a post coming up just for them)
14. My retirement plan is to open a flower shop but for now im happy here
15. Old things, old buildings, rusted cars, old cities, dead cities, all things old, fascinate me.

Thank you for dropping by. Lurkers, delurk!
Oh and just cause i had so much fun doing this, i tag the blogosphere to share some 15 randoms about yourself and dont forget to tag me or let me know in the comments so i can come read. Happy weekending!