mama i you...

all this while i had been waiting for him to say "mama, i love u"....
how could i not see what i needed to hear was already being said

p.s: he has started saying the words too now
"mama, i u"
and love is in the actions

pics courtesy of Nariman Ansari
firefly photoworks

corner view: love

love is...
...in post it notes where you least expect them
...in memories that always bring a smile
it is where the heart is...


there is more love to be found at spaindaily

a balancing act

the last few months have been about new beginnings for me. i like new beginnings. i find they are exciting, refreshing, motivating and they keep you going. my new beginnings have been in my personal life, my professional life and my online presence, to name a few. some beginnings have been experimental and some more serious. some merely for the self like this blog and some a creative outlet.

and i see more to come soon, like another blog,(shhhhh, still in the works) that will be a creative outlet on a more impersonal and less narcissist level then this blog. my first real, photography project that will show itself next week, and some more professional growth, also in the works since it requires some pre-req exams that i will be writing for the next few months. and in less then 3 weeks i will also be hitting the 31 mark! wohoo!

last week was another new beginning as i launched my website and am now officially open for business. this has been an interesting experience with all kinds of goodness and weirdness that has come my way from all directions be it family or friends. a lot of oh i was thinking of starting the same thing or oh how will you run your own business with a baby, or most favorite are you getting any paid projects or are these all favours for friends!! and the worst kind what if it doesnt work. God knows thats been my biggest concern. but i guess i ll never know till i try, now will i....

what is also exciting to see is that so many mums i know are suddenly pushed to do something with their lives. a sudden momprenur-ness is in the air. i guess you need one doer around to create a ripple effect. i have been getting phone calls asking for tips and guidelines on how to start a business, the legalities involved, the time management, the work-home balance, is it worthwhile, how much capital this, that, the other .

and for this i would just like to say one thing I DONT KNOW, I HAVE NO ANSWERS! please dont make me anxious, please people if you have nothing good to say dont say anything at all. please back of and let me breathe, let me enjoy my very short lived celebrity moment of the ohh and the ahhs. please dont get me wrong i will help and i have already taken on a few on my little work ventures and am guiding a few others with whatever little knowledge i have. but geezzzzzz im no rockstar!! i just started, how do you expect me to have the answers when im still searching for them myself. give me some space, give me some time to grow, give me a chance and let ME give ME a chance as well!!(phew, there i said it aloud and felt mighty good saying it).

maybe im being intolerant towards my surroundings, maybe people are just expressing their excitment. but the newness of this is quite overwhelming for me. and i dont know where this will take me. maybe this is an experiment, maybe i will fail or maybe and hopefully i will succeed and eventually achieve my very simple retirement dream #14. who knows. its something i have always wanted to try and that's what im doing. and her i CAN say something, that its totally worth following your dreams, because in the end and whatever the end may be you know you gave it a shot. and that for me is a life lived.

i know there are some very successful momprenuers out there, some women who work hard to achieve the work-home balance and some others who dedicate themselves to building their homes. some inspiring women who are doing good just by being themselves and what they do best. and so many, so many more. and i admire them all just the same and aspire to be one of them. i want to be a doer and i want to have no regrets in my life. i want to achieve balance online and offline. and this balancing act is not easy, but looking at all these women around me is like a driving force. if they can do it why cant i...

so here i am this Sunday morning sharing with you some thoughts and some new beginnings and wishing all the women out there, all my friends in the blogosphere, and all of those performing the balancing act, the best always.

do check out my website when you get a chance and feedback is more then welcomed. spread the love, spread the word!

Nyle 1.0

This weekend i attended a friend's daughter's first birthday and the parents' frenzy and excitement reminded me of little N's first which was July 14th.

I remember how i drove myself crazy making sure each and every detail was taken care of; the invites, the favors, the theme, the colors, the cake, the food and the decor. It was like being back in school working on my thesis, staying up late nights, making lists, listening to Dave Mathews, drinking coke and coffee. Planning, planning and lots of planning.

Family supported me, friends thought i was being ridiculous but stood by. You see, i didn't really leave them with much of a choice.

The result; well why don't you see for yourself. Here goes,

postcard invite designed by a dear friend who lives at
love,paper & ink.
these were hand written and mailed out to all our friends

behind the scenes: the night before
food prepared by my best friend
who flew all the way from DC just for this

sunshine, fresh flowers and shades of turquoise and lime
cutlery and napkin holders hand made out of paint color cards from Home Depot

the candy bar on our lovely patio

colorful candies from bulk barn

god is in the details

did i mention the theme was "robots and monkeys"....

.....thus the cake and the cupcakes by a dear friend : yes she is multi-talented!

the personalized favors with each child's name stamped on them...

from Nyles personal thank you stickers collection

and a slightly confused turquoise Nyle at 1.0

Hope you all enjoyed the pictures as much as i enjoyed sharing them.

Sharing these memories also made me realize that i am blessed with a great bunch of friends, my best friend whos always been there for me, my family here and back home and of course above all F whos been remarkably patient through my "everything has to be perfect" syndrome.

ok now before this post turns into an Oscar award speech i must take leave with just one thought
"it is better to appreciate what you have rather then focus on what yo dont, to count your blessings, and feel happy for others, rather then waste time and energy doing just the opposite"
-urbaniche's lame attempt at creating a quote

signing out right about now....

fractured and casted

Bokeh maybe

After a great week of small accomplishments, a crazy haircut and a weekend full of celebrations, fun and laughter, we entered this week with a fracture and a cast. Little N, injured his leg while playing ball (soccer player in the making as F likes to say), followed by half the night at the urgent care and all of today at the emergency. And finally after a series of heart wrenching cries and streams of tears, belted x-rays, darkrooms and huge machines later, my brave little N ended up with a cast.

Surprisingly, what gave us courage was this little injured creature himself who managed to throw a smile in our direction, almost as if consoling these panic stricken adults, his parents.

There is something so very fascinating about children. They, unlike us adults forget and move on. They are free from holding grudges. They are fearless and strong. They are free spirited and full of life. It is no wonder they heal faster than us adults (that’s my theory at least).

Here is wishing my little N a speedy recovery and stronger legs and a lot many soccer games to his heart’s content.

a Nikon D300 experiment

On a different note some o f the stuff to look forward to this week:

• Greys anatomy starting Thursday, Sept 24
• Discovery of Dave Finkelstein. Music that is all about Somewhere still waiting
• Coco avant Chanel with Audrey Tautou, my absolute favorite actress playing the legendary fashion icon Coco
• And the discovery of a Bokeh-holic in me, thanks to Chez who led me to Aspidistra and the Bokeh love
• and a lot many prayers needed for little N!
  

celebrations

I have always been big on celebrating customs and traditions. But somehow this year we celebrated with more fervor, more eagerness and a lot more love. Maybe it has something to do with little N’s arrival.

Maybe it has something to do with us being home but so far from home, so far from the people we love, so far from the family and friends we have grown up with.

And maybe that’s why it is a blessing to have F’s family here. And maybe that’s why it is a blessing to have friends who are like family, to have family who are like friends, to share bonds with, to make memories with and to celebrate with.


Happy weekending to every one and very happy Eid celebrations to all our friends and family around the world.

Therapeutic defiance

When i was expecting little N, people would come to our place and tell us how we will never be able to maintain the aesthetics of our house once we had a baby. But we had little N and yes it was challenging, we had to make adjustments and teach him how to adjust with our lifestyle. There were and are moments of frustrations. But all in all i think we have both made adjustments along with some sacrifices and i think it’s safe to say that we have reached a congenial understanding of each other. He knows and understands his limits and boundaries (at least we think he does) and we respect his space and let him grow.

This post however is not a confessional out pour of a design mom. It is however about a small challenge i put myself up to, who knows to even spite the above mentioned, self appointed advisory committee. I just recently sent some not so nice pictures of my space to one of my favorite websites, Apartment Therapy and much to my surprise got published. The exciting part was that we got featured but i have to say regretfully that I wish I had sent some more fun pictures and ones that were better photographed. It also felt good to be featured cause little N is an integral part of this house and it kind of felt like an achievement and a kick to all the negativity that people fill you with when you are expecting a baby.

So here we are in our home exactly at 1.5 of Nyleness and still living our lives the way we imagined it to be or even better than we expected. Since expectations were scarred, i took it up as a challenge to prove people wrong. Having a baby is not a life ending experience. It maybe a life altering experience but one that teaches you to grow and learn as you go. True, life is not as we knew it to be when it was just 2. But the number 3 seems to be working out just fine. And our home is organically growing with us, one layer after another. Hope you enjoy our nichelious abode.

Bookshelf whimsy: Tankard

At 1.3, i can reassure you that mommy hood has been a fun ride with its boohoos and bonks (our new favorite words), its challenges and its joys, its tantrums and its occasional grumpiness. I have to admit i sometimes am intentional maybe over intentional and deliberate with the way i spend time with N. I have a love for books and so does F and we have made an extra effort to inculcate this in N. Reading hours are frequent but not routine or timed and i try to get as creative with my narrative skills as possible. And of course a fun and colorful book always helps.

With all the newness of Mommy hood, i have discovered many things about myself including an absolute passion for children’s books. And I don’t mean the Walt Disney reads. But authors like Sharon Pierce McCullough (Bun Bun the middle one) , Julie Mergerb and Suzanne Bober ( A Magical day with Matisse) and Meeqail Maqsood (Bohat Bhokay Keeray) have opened up a window of creative imagination for little N and myself.

But an exceptional find that has blown me away is my absolute favorite, Jeremy Tankard. His work is fresh, urban, radical and avant garde. His illustrations and graphics are different in a very basic, simple way. The storyline is enjoyable to read out aloud and just as fun for me as it is for N. There is a perfect balance of type, design, color and illustration, the distinction between foreground and background perfectly played. Each page is like a painting, the kind i would like to see hanging in N’s room.

We love the tantrums thrown by grumpy bird, the simplicity of the advice the colorful friends are ready with, the gentle ambiguity and the placelessness of the landscapes, whether it’s a jungle, a farmhouse or cityscape and the hungry Edwin who decides to take matters in his own hands in Me Hungry.

Jermey, keep up the good work, keep writing and keep illustrating. We have the entire collection and are super excited about the sneak peek that we got of the dragonfly.



“Come on,” said Bird, who had forgotten all about being grumpy. “let’s fly back to my nest for a snack.” And they did.
-Grumpy Bird

Enjoy reading this collection!

Afternoon nap

As N takes a nap i gather his belongings and his mess, this is the one chore that i do with a smile on my face. I found these under the sofa. Is it a wonder why this is my most enjoyable chore?

The boy who ate the words...

80 clicks around the world--the #5 challenge!

I will not explain my disappearance from the blog world. A lot of time has gone by since i was last here. And a lot has changed, as most things do when time passes you by. I got consumed. Consumed with work, family, friends, home, routine and life in general. I forgot to pause and breathe. While still in the midst of all of this my ovaries decided to jolt me and i became pregnant. And last year July 2008 i was thrown into " the whole motherhood thing".

9 months of confusion and happiness later here i am, mother of a beautiful boy, Nyle.

But i would like to explain my reappearance. I have to admit i have been consumed with thoughts of blogging since forever now, but the final push came from a fellow blogger mom's tag. This tag has been a real challenge. The challenge is to share five, yes only five things, i love about being a mom!! And please try it yourself before rolling your eyes, cause it really isn't as simple as it sounds.

So the #5 challenge resulted in the following thoughts:

1. Discovering love as i have never known before: Growing up i never understood why my mother would stay up till i wasn't home at night or always be watchful of what I'm doing. I thought of her as a bit overbearing and over protective. But less did i know then what i know and feel now. It was all because she loved me. Loved me in inexplicable ways. Love that would take all kinds of different shapes and forms of expression. Because really, there is no one way of expressing it. Love that would not require replenishing. Love with no strings attached. Love that is truly unconditional. We usually see things not for what they are but what we are. And today i see my mothers love differently cause i am one myself. I feel love like I've never felt before. Love that is all giving and never expecting to receive. Love that grows everyday. Love that finds solace and peace in watching Nyle grow. Love that wants to smother and hover and yet watch him fall and rise from a distance. I love loving the way i love as a mom!
2. The Clark Kent syndrome: The Mom-Me is my alter ego, my second self, an alternate identity born upon Nyle's birth. A self that possess superhuman multitasking abilities, a self that i never knew i possessed or was capable of possessing. A self who can think for two people, who can take up innocuous fronts to fulfill ulterior motives, who can turn "with or without you" into a lullaby, who can be creatively entertaining, dramatically ripping my clothes for quick transference of character from Me to the Mom-Me. And this co-existence of the so many mees inside the one me has been very fascinating. I love that being a mom has been and will continue to be a self discovering journey. And each new discovery make me positively strong.
   
3. Distilled: Apart from the confusion of becoming a new mom, reaching the understanding that i will be right as many times as i am wrong and not knowing half the time what im doing, i had to grapple with the challenges of every one telling me what to do and what not to do. As if my becoming a mother has given other mothers old or new a license to trudge my hood. And this led to distillation. Distillation of the sense from the nonsense, distillation of comments, distillation of being judged. I have acquired the power of selective hearing. i can very easily ignore what i dont like and go on with life uneffected. I love that becoming a mother has given me the power to distill. Im happier distilling. and a happy mom means a happy baby!
   
4. Expecting the unexpected: The pre-mom me was a planner. Always expecting what was expected. But the Mom-Me has learned to expect the unexpected. I never planned on co-sleeping, or feed in public, i never imagined i would be the kind of mom who shows physical affection. And now i cannot imagine otherwise. Just when i think N has a sleeping routine he changes on me. The pre mom-me would ve completely freaked out at this, but the Mom-Me loves this twist. Its always a new, exciting twist and i love the unpredicatablity of what N has in store for me.
   
5. Broken conversations: Some charming conversations, discussions and friendships have been made since i ve entered mother hood. Before i became a mother i think i was too arrogant and self indulgent to pay attention to what moms had to say, trivializing the mother's hood and mother's life to household chores and routines. But i have met some very interesting women who have embarked on this journey of motherhood and have very interesting experiences to share and intelligent conversations to make. And even though these conversations are broken and interruoted by feeds and diaper changes, they are short and meaningful. I love being a mom cause its opened me up to a completely new world!

Here's my little angel who completes me!